Since Daniel's diagnosis, I have been diagnosed with depression. I have been told that I'll cope better when I am able to accept his MS. That makes me angry. How could I accept this? Why should I accept this? Accepting it feels like giving up the man I know and love. I will never do that. I have been told that I need to grieve for the man I have lost. I have not lost him. I will not grieve. I have been told I should grieve for the life we have lost. We still have it. I will not grieve.
Instead, I'll take my medication, keep calm and carry on. We are a happy family. We have a lot to look forward to. I need to be strong for my family. Help them to enjoy what's good in life. What place does grieving have there?
The future will be different from what we had planned. We were trying for another baby. We have stopped. I grieve for that. MS doesn't take over our lives now, I know that in the future it could. Will I grieve then? I don't know. I'm not planning on letting that happen. I know my husband isn't either.
What's On Your Mind
14 years ago
Wow, it's like you are reading my mind. I feel the same way. So back and forth with constant arguments going on in my head. I keep saying I need to be grateful for the fact he can walk now and work and think, even though it's not like it use to be. I try not to dwell on what it will be like or all of the plans we had that have been changed. Where does someone put things like that? I think sharing with other wives with husbands of MS is a good thing. We can support each other and share things. Right now I can only share with him, and I don't want to cause him extra stress. All of this totally sucks and there is just no getting around that. Will keep trying to focus on the good and hope you will to. Keep talking about both. I hope today was a good day for all.
ReplyDeleteYou are absolutely right...why should you grieve. He's still the same person and the man you fell in love with. Yes, there will be difficult days but you will also have some fantastic days. Who's to say if he hadn't been diagnosed with this horrible illness that that wouldn't have been the case anyway? None of us can see into the future and we shouldn't waste one minute, let alone one day, feeling sorry about what might have been.
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